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Halojane


You think you're heaven sent, going to get your halo bent.

Psalm 119 Study- Day 5

33O Eternal One, show me how to live according to Your statutes,
and I will keep them always.
34Grant me understanding so that I can keep Your law
and keep it wholeheartedly.
35Guide me to walk in the way You commanded
because I take joy in it.
36Turn my head and my heart to Your decrees
and not to sinful gain.
37Keep my eyes from gazing upon worthless things,
and give me true life according to Your plans.
38Verify Your word to Your servant,
which will lead me to worship You.
39Take away the scorn that I dread
because Your actions are just and good.
40Look and see—I long for Your guidance;
restore me in Your righteousness.

Today's reading sounds like a poem that could stand alone without being apart of Psalm 119. The main thing that stood out to me today was verse 34. What you dont understand, you cannot keep in your heart. Over and over in this Psalm its saying, help me to understand and I today am still saying, help me to understand Lord. 

37Keep my eyes from gazing upon worthless things, and give me true life according to Your plans. This is just beautiful. No matter if it was 2,000 years ago, or today. We have the same struggles. Realizing that most of what this life has to offer is worthless, yet getting caught up in it from time to time. Also realizing that true life only comes from Him.

39Take away the scorn that I dread because Your actions are just and good. King James says 'take away the reproach that I fear'.  

Reproach defined is: The expression of disapproval or disappointment.

If we can see Him through the lens of being just and good, and that doesnt get warped, then we could view Him as He really is. The scorn is what we dread, its what we feel, that doesnt mean He is the one expressing it. Sometimes I wonder, since we cant talk with Him face to face, how much of Him is imagined. I wonder how many of those views actually align with scripture. I also wonder if David is talking about his sin with Bathsheba. How even if the Lord has forgiven him, he cant forget himself and its constantly in his mind as he writes this. This could be how sin holds us back, spiritually. Imagining that the Lords eyes are full of scorn, when really they are full of many other things. Unfailing love, grace and unending mercy.

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Day 5: 5th Letter of the Hebrew Alphabet
Hey is a picture of the presence of God within the human heart. Since Hey is formed from Dalet and Yod, it can also be a picture of returning to God by means of the transforming power of the Spirit. Dalet stands for brokenness, and Yod stands for a hand. Opening the door of the heart then is a picture of the Spirit of God indwelling the believer, and this image also coheres with the idea that part of Aleph (God) is joined with Dalet to form the Hey.
The Letter Hey

Psalm 119 Study-Day 4

25My very being clings to the dust;
preserve my life, in keeping with Your word.
26I have admitted my ways are wrong, and You responded;
now help me learn what You require.
27Compel me to grasp the way of Your statutes
so I will fix my mind on Your wonderful works.
28My soul weeps, and trouble weighs me down;
give me strength so I can stand according to Your word.
29Eliminate faithlessness You find in my step,
be gracious, and give me Your guidance.
30I have decided to take the path of faith;
I have focused my eyes on Your regulations.
31I cling to Your decrees; O Eternal One,
do not let me face disgrace!
32I will chase after Your commandments
because You will expand my understanding.
Wow. So full. Beginning with. 'My very being clings to the dust, preserve my life, in keeping with your word.' Humanity, we fight to not cling to the ways of man. And yet, we cling. There is a repentance in the 2nd verse here and then a resolve to do better. Not to try to do better. In church we used to sing, 'He's shown to me, a better way.' Every time we sing it, and even now thinking of it, I feel a challenge to walk in it. He can show you everything, but if you dont walk in it, there is no transformation. Whats the use? Whats the use?

I am thankful for verse 28. For after meditating on the JOY of His testimonies all week, I am found today here, with my soul being weighed down. Not sure how that happened, but I can see I am not alone- there is comfort and hope in that. Give me the strength to stand today, Lord.

In verse 31 his mind wanders to clinging now to something else. In verse 32, chasing after something else. Something better.

Eliminate Faithlessness you find in my steps. -Amen
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Day 4-The 4th letter of the Hebrew Alphabet
Dalet represents lowliness and the consciousness of possessing nothing of one's own. As a door Dalet also symbolically represents the choice to open ourselves to the hope of our dreams or to remain closed off and alienated.- Wow. ...
The Letter Dalet

Psalm 119 Study-Day 3

17Treat Your servant well, Lord,
so that I may live and remain faithful to Your word.
18Let me see clearly so that I may take in
the amazing things coming from Your law.
19I am a sojourner in the world;
do not keep Your commands hidden from me.
20My soul aches from craving
Your wise rulings day and night.
21You rebuke those who are proud,
and those who stray from Your commands are cursed.
22Free me from the contempt and disdain of others
because I keep Your decrees.
23Even though powerful princes conspire against me,
I fix my mind on what You require.
24Yes, Your testimonies are my joy;
they are like the friends I seek for counsel.
18Let me see clearly so that I may take in the amazing things coming from Your law. -This stood out the most in today's reading. If we aren't seeing clearly, we cant see the amazing things coming from Him. There is quite a list of things I have let cloud my vision in the past year alone. But Lord, help me to see clearly.
22Free me from the contempt and disdain of others because I keep Your decrees.- Some people may think this should say, free me from others contempt and distain of me. I know there have been times when I have thought that. The only thing we really are in control of is ourselves. We cant help what others think about us completely.
24Yes, Your testimonies are my joy; they are like the friends I seek for counsel. This is the line I will be meditating on today..
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Day 3-3rd letter of the alphabet-Gimmel.

The number three also represents stability, like three legs of a stool.Thats a neat thought. Stability. The other thing about this letter is kind of weird, the little loopy loos at the top called Tagins. I dont know what they are, they look decorative but some think its representing Jesus. There are 24 of them, a number I see a lot, divisible by 12. Just interesting.

Gimmel is a picture of Grace
According to Soferut, Gimmel is formed from a Zayin and a Yod. Zayin means "sword" and Yod means "hand." Here then is a picture of grace: Gimmel approaches the poor man of Dalet, behind the door, with an open hand (the "sword" (of Zayin) is facing the other direction). The Holy Spirit comes, as the Emissary of Jesus, and knocks on the door of the heart. The sword of judgment, however, is sheathed, and this then represents the opportunity to repent and let the Spirit of God into your heart.

The Letter Gimmel

Knowing vs. knowing

The more I read the text from today's part of the study the more I wonder if its talking about knowing vs. knowing. Knowing the Lord vs. knowing the Lord. All day Ive been thinking about 'the cleft of the rock'. Its like holding an umbrella in a hurricane. I am covered. But to be safe, I probably should find shelter. Get in the rock. Where I am truly safe.

11Deep within me I have hidden Your word

Deep within. This is not a surface knowing. This is a deep abiding.

13My lips have told how
You have delivered all Your wise rulings.

This also makes me think about knowing vs. knowing. Our lips can tell all kinds of things. That doesnt mean our heart has been transformed.. That doesnt mean our feet will go where they should.Will keep meditating on these words..

Longing to be transformed more and more. -s

Psalm 119 Study-Day 2

9How can a young person remain pure?
Only by living according to Your word.
10I have pursued You with my whole heart;
do not let me stray from Your commands.
11Deep within me I have hidden Your word
so that I will never sin against You.
12You are blessed, O Eternal One;
instruct me in what You require.
13My lips have told how
You have delivered all Your wise rulings.
14I have celebrated Your testimonies
as though rejoicing over an immeasurable fortune.
15I will fix my mind on Your instructions
and my eyes on Your path.
16I will find joy in Your ordinances;
I will remember Your word forever.

These verses seem like a petition to the writers own heart almost. 'I have pursued you with my whole heart, do not let me stray..' really stands out to me. Almost like he knows what his heart is capable of and that all it does is stray.

I can relate.

Verses 15 and 16 beginning with 'I will..' is very resolute.

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2nd Day-2nd Letter of the Hebrew Alphabet

The 2nd letter of the alphabet is Bet. Bet is house, or tent. The thoughts I gathered about while reading about the 2nd letter of the alphabet is tabernacle. Jesus tabernacles with us. It really is all about our relationship with him. Bet stands for house and the house, the covering that protects us from the elements of the weather is our physical house. What protects us from the elements of this life? The symbolic rains, fires, and storms of this life?  He does. Where do we run in times of trouble? Under the protection of His house. Will be thinking about this today..

The Letter Bet / Vet

22 letters, 22 days.

Along with our 22 day study, I thought it would be interesting to look at the Hebrew Alphabet at the same time. There are 22 letters in it, Ernie mentioned last night. Thought it might be interesting to check it out.

Read about the first letter HERE and see how it relates, if at all.

Interesing to me that this sound has no sound of its own. It is the 'father' of the Hebrew Alphabet and so it is first. In Psalm 119 it talks about our relationship with our Father. It reminded me all through it, my relationship with my kids. Quote from my blog today. Its the 'Put Jesus first and everything else seems to fall into place' thing.That was neat to see the same theme in the alphabet reading.

The Letter Aleph

 

Psalm 119 Study-Day 1.

1Happy are the people who walk with integrity,
who live according to the teachings of the Eternal.
2Happy are the people who keep His decrees,
who pursue Him wholeheartedly.
3These are people who do nothing wrong;
they do what it takes to follow His ways.
4You have given us Your precepts
so we would be careful about keeping them.
5Oh, that every part of my life would remain in line
with what You require!
6Then I would feel no shame
when I fix my eyes upon Your commands.
7With a pure heart, I will give thanks to You
when I hear about Your just and fair rulings.
8I will live within Your limits;
do not abandon me completely!

Thoughts:

Today as I read this, I am thinking about what it means to follow Him completely. In verse 3 it says these are people who do nothing wrong. Makes me think that maybe, God looks more at our relationship with Him than He does ANYthing else in our life. We could be struggling with something over and over again and He may not even be looking at that. Its the 'Put Jesus first and everything else seems to fall into place' thing. This is walking blamelessly. That when we do mess up, we instantly know where to go to get comfort and help.

Then I would feel no shame.

One definition of integrity is: the  state of being whole, entire, or undiminished:

The state of being whole or entire.. Very interesting.

My kids feel ashamed, they come to their parents to be comforted and to talk it out. This is the feeling I get when I read this. That we have a Father in heaven ready to teach us how to live, if we come to Him. 

'Do not abandon me completely!' Love that last line. I feel this way often. Mostly because I am not fully grasping how much he loves me. My kids may feel that way in their imaginations but I would never, ever abandon them.

Learning.

Sometimes I have 3 or 4 books Im reading at the same time. I cant normally just sit down and read an entire book cover to cover if theres anything of substance in it that requires me to really think. I have to read a chapter and stop, Mull it over. See how it applies to me, or if it applies at all. Today did.

One Thousand Gifts is in the line up right now. Today, Ann Voskamp 'read my mail' as Beth Moore would say. ;) She is talking about writing a list of things she is thankful for after thinking about the word 'eucharisto'.

'The list feels foreign, strange. Long, I am woman who speaks but one language, the language of the fall-discontentment and self-condemnation, the critical eye and the never satisfied.'

Ouch.

Then she quotes Paul in Philippians 4:11-12;

11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.

She says she almost misses it but he says it twice in here. The word learned. I have never paused there either. And this is where the Lord starts to speak to me.

Schooling the boys I know that learning takes time and effort. It takes victory and failure, it takes patience and walking through it. Some days we have break-downs and some days we have break-throughs. Learning takes effort and did I mention failure? ;)

Through the struggle, sometimes the pain is so great you dont realize how much you are learning. Until you can take a breath. Reminds me of this clip: 


In Romans I love when it talks about there being NO condemnation for those who belong to Christ. This, to me, sounds like a dream. Too good to be true. I have been the woman who speaks the language of the fall- the one who isnt satisfied and full of condemnation, there is a spirit in this that completely wastes life. You can feel like you are wasting your life in so many ways.And losing precious time being discontented can be a huge, life sucking black hole.

My desire is to keep learning, even when it it seems Im not producing any fruit, to keep pressing forward. However this looks for me, I look to the author and finisher of my faith.


 

Hope.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.


This verse seems to be one of everyones favorties. I was thinking about hope this morning and what it means to me as a Mother and how God's plans for me and my family work into that. I am at the point in motherhood where I honestly feel like my kids are a science project. Im out of the, 'My kids would never..' stage because my kids have. They have been brats. They have lied. They have been mean to each other. They have talked back. They have gotten on restriction. They have done a lot of things I said they never would do.
They have even done things that have surprised me and caused me to retreat into my bedroom in tears wondering what on Earth I have done and why on Earth I thought it was a good idea for me to be in charge of 3 kids.
We have tried, the best we can to turn every situation into a learning experience. To me, this is home schooling. I remember reading a quote that has stayed with me even before I had kids. Someone said, 'If you havent sinned against the Father, you dont know the Father.' I took this as, if you have never screwed up, never made a mistake, never done something you shouldnt have even if you knew it was wrong.. If you never have sinned against the Father, then you know nothing of His goodness. His mercy. His grace. You have yet to experience how loving He truly is.There's a whole other side to Him that needs to be discovered. 
Have my kids discovered that in me? This verse in Jeremiah talks about a future, which everyone wants but it also talks about a hope, which everyone needs.

Sometimes I look into my childrens faces and wonder if I am leading them to that hope. Or do they feel hopeless like they cant do anything right by me. When they look into my face, they  need to know I am on their side. They need to know that no matter how bad it gets, I am their biggest fan and their biggest ally in this life.
I do not know if I have properly relayed that to them at this point. I am going to try harder.
God has given me a great hope.. Right now, I realize I am the Gospel to my children. They dont understand the Bible or a lot of Gods ways. But they understand me. I know how I relate to them and teach them will have a direct result on their walk with Jesus later in life and how they view Him.
I just want them to see the hope.

Because despite all the trouble we have in this life, I still believe in that hope.

Won't always be this small..

I have a son with a one track mind as they say. He can only think about one thing at a time.. I have learned how to work around this by gently changing the subject and he forgets so we get a few minutes of relief. Today I didnt have that much patience and I told him to sit back (iin the car) and be quiet. Usually its about basketball shoes, today it was about Bey Blades. (They are like tops that spin and you have wars with them.) We somehow got on the subject of him being 18, still talking about Bey Blades. He sat back and said, 'Nah, I wont be into them anymore by then.'

'..I wont be into them anymore by then.'

With this simple little sentance my world stopped.

My heart was smote.

Saying, 'Its so hard to be a Mom sometimes'. is what I feel like writing, but that doesnt even hit the surface. Sometimes I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my body.

I have such a short time with him, at 9 years old to chatter my ears off. And I was harsh. Someday I may will wish he could be this age in my back seat chattering his little life away. He will grow and change into a man. Its hard to seize every moment, when you feel like you never get a moments peace. But if I can every now and then seize a moment, to make me think about the future and maybe be gentler and more intentional with my children then I will take it. Even if it hurts.

 

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